Manufacturing Down, Blogging Up

Here are a couple of "leading economic indicators" for you: US car manufacturing is down 457 percent (caution: I invented this number to illustrate my point) while US blog creation is up 1532 percent (again, an invented number).

These trends came to me this morning as I was making my coffee and mulling over the insightful— yet humorous—comment I wanted to make on Joe Mazzanti's blog. I don't know what the exact numbers are, but you get the idea, and the idea is dead on.

After a few seconds of considering how and why these two "industries" are heading in opposite directions, a question occurred to me: What ever happened to the service industry sector of our economy?

We know that the traditional hard manufacturing industries have in large part left the United States for places like China, where cheap labor is found in abundance and pesky things like health and safety codes are found not at all. Okay, we get it.

But those manufacturing jobs were supposed to be replaced by the service industry sector. You know, those bastions of economic strength like the insurance industry (think AIG), investment banking (think Lehman Brothers), and transportation (think your favorite bankrupt airline here).

So we no longer make stuff and sell it to each other. Fine. It looks like we're about done "servicing" each other as well (excuse the word choice please). Now all we do is blog and blather back and forth to one another.

Is this our destiny?

• • •

Contrary to Kristen's observation on her blog, The List, my blog entry about Miley Cyrus generated like zero page views. Is the pop world over Miley already, or is it just me? Rhetorical question. Don't answer.

• • •

Some things are just words. There are people in the world who think it's wrong for Israel to try to defeat the people who keep lobbing rockets and mortars at them. These critics complain that Israel's response is disproportionate. In other words, Israel shouldn't try to win. "Disproportionate response" is just words. They sound good together. Nothing more, nothing less.

By the way, among those complaining that Israel's response to Hamas is "disproportionate" is France.

Enough said.

All the places I haven't seen Miley Cyrus

I live in Nashville right off Franklin Pike. Miley Cyrus lives right down the road in Franklin. It has recently come to my attention that blogs about Miley Cyrus get way more hits than mildly humorous blogs about global warming, so I want to tell you about all the times I haven't seen Miley Cyrus around town. (I haven't seen global warming yet either, but noooo, you don't care about that, even if my writing is on occasion mildly humorous.)

Christmas night we got home from visiting our youngest son in the LA area. When we got off the plane we didn't see Miley Cyrus in the airport. And ironically enough, we didn't see Miley Cyrus in Hollywood either when we took aforementioned youngest son to the Pantages theater (home of the Oscars from 1949 to 1959—that should be good for a few hits, don't you think?) to see Wicked featuring Erin Mackey, Teal Wicks, Derrick Williams, and Carol Kane, but not Miley Cyrus.

You might remember Carol Kane from her role as Simka in Taxi. It is interesting to note that Taxi was a hit sitcom on both ABC and NBC, garnering 18 Emmy awards during its run between 1978-1983, many years before Miley Cyrus was born in 1992. You do the math.

On our way back from the airport we almost stopped at an AM/PM mini mart to pick up milk. But when I saw that Miley Cyrus wasn't there, I just drove by. We had to skip our morning cereal the next day. Thank you Miley Cyrus.

Probably about once a week for the last month or so, my wife and I have been hitting Monell's Express for dinner on the way home and despite the fact that it is one of the most highly rated meat-and-threes in the area, so far no Miley Cyrus. This one is a little hard for me to comprehend.

Miley Cyrus held a free concert outside the Sommet Center a couple of months ago and my route to work took me right past the stage. But I was way too early and didn't see Miley Cyrus again.

I don't want to waste much more of your time describing all the places and times I haven't seen Miley Cyrus, so I'll finish this up with a quick list (apparently lists pull in the blog hits too):

1. Lovelace Cafe

2. Dollar General

3. Outside Ryman Auditorium

4. Lower Broadway

5. Upper Broadway

6. Frist Center for the Visual Arts

7. Kroegers

8. Green Hills Mall

9. Lake Radnor

10. All the places between above nine

So, Miley Cyrus, if you are reading this, how about hanging out in the Waverly-Belmont area one of these days? But call first and make sure I'm home.

Obama Policies Expose Rifts in Liberal Cabal

Here's an interesting question: Will Barack Obama align himself more with white liberal democrats or working class blacks? There are some profound differences between these groups which, because of the monolithic nature of liberal politics, has never really surfaced before. But now we are seeing some cracks in the liberal cabal, especially with the environmental and homosexual elements.

Black voters in California overwhelming voted for Prop 8, the constitutional ammendment banning gay marriage. Obama himself has walked a tightrope saying he was against homosexual marriage, but didn't think measures like Prop 8 were the correct way to handle the issue. (I don't understand this either, but there you go.)

Now that Obama has asked evangelical pastor Rick Warren to say a prayer at his inauguration, homosexual activists are screaming. You'd think Obama had appointed Pat Robertson to a cabinet post! I doubt, however, that the average black voter has any problem with Warren praying at the event.

An even more important rift is beginning to be exposed between Obama and the environmental activist arm of the Democratic party. The incoming president is concerned about jobs, and very rightly so. His idea is to build or repair highways and bridges, which are bad because they enable evil automobiles. He certainly doesn't want to see the auto industry go under either.

The black community understands the importance of job creation and retention better than most groups in this country. When it comes to balancing trees and jobs, black Americans are going to favor jobs every time. If Obama reflects this sentiment, environmentalists will be tree-sitting on the White House grounds before you know it.

Another area likely to get the incoming president in trouble is immigration. This may be a delicate subject, but my experience tells me that there is no love loss between the black and Spanish-speaking communities. Blacks often see latino workers as job stealers, newcomers who are willing to work for lower wages. Will Obama liberalize immigration policy on our southern border, or will his policy reflect the black community's desire to protect American jobs from the onslaught of impoverished Mexican workers?

As I write this, another issue comes to mind. History has proven that one of the most color blind institutions in the United States is the military. Black men and women have been able to find opportunities and achieve rank in the military in times when the civilian world was less open to them. White liberals would like to see the military go away. Shrinking the military would decrease opportunities for minorities. How will Obama balance this one?

I have always believed that on almost every social issue, affirmative action and maybe welfare policy being the major exceptions, black Americans aligned better with Republican ideals than those of the Democrats. The incredible irony of Obama's success is that this truth may now be exposed and if Republicans are smart enough, many blacks might take a serious look at the GOP in future elections.

Cooling proves Warming (I didn't make this one up)

Several months ago I wrote that increased evidence of global cooling was going to cause a panic in the media that has so much invested in global warming:

"...it looks like we are already in the early stages of global cooling.... If this turns out to be the case, it creates a unique condition in the mass media biosphere in which global warming and global cooling scares may be forced to coexist."

We are already seeing the signs of the media's feeble attempts to square cooling and warming. Here's what one AP writer had the audacity to write:

"Mother Nature, of course, is oblivious to the federal government's machinations. Ironically, 2008 is on pace to be a slightly cooler year in a steadily rising temperature trend line. Experts say it's thanks to a La Nina weather variation. While skeptics are already using it as evidence of some kind of cooling trend, it actually illustrates how fast the world is warming."

So cooling actually illustrates how fast we are warming. Gotta love it. Read the whole article here.

Way-Broke Government Steps in to Save Going-Broke Automakers

Does anyone else see the irony, and potential catastrophe, in our government, whose debt now stands at $10.6 trillion, attempting to "bail out" a few car companies who say they will run out of cash sometime next year? Our government is spending amost $4 billion more each day than it takes it. What makes it think it is in any position to prop up the automakers?

Even funnier than this is the fact that the lawmakers want to create a Car Czar who will oversee the automakers' efforts to regain profitability: A Washington bureaucrat telling a Detroit auto executive how to run a lean, mean profit-making machine.

"Hi, I'm from the government and I'm here to help you."

How about our lawmakers in DC first coming up with a plan to operate the federal government without going more in the hole year after year?

Jurassic Park Detroit Style

Since it's the Christmas season and our government is in the giving mood, why stop at trying to save the (really misnamed) Big Three? Why don't the geniuses in Washington bring back some of the other defunct major car manufacturers like Hudson, Packard, and Studebaker, just to name a few. If "saving" GM, Chrysler and Ford (which, by the way, apparently doesn't need to be saved) is a good idea, wouldn't it be just that much better to expand the program and create even more jobs by bringing them back to life? I'm sure Al Gore could make a strong case to revive the Stanley Steamer! Is anyone in the Office Of The President Elect listening?

And on a serious note, shouldn't Ford, which seems to be in a position to weather this storm, be rewarded for good management by allowing the other two to take their knocks without the this massive government largess? Come on Barack, where's that tough stand against corporate welfare?

(Perhaps the funniest part of the whole drama was the testimony from the auto executives that they can't use the bankruptcy system to reorganize because declaring bankruptcy would "hurt sales." Nobody broke out laughing! Surely that was offered tongue-in-cheek.)

Das Kapital

It looks like Washington will cut Detroit a big check, if not now, certainly after the new Congress is seated. It's very possible that the US government will take some kind of ownership position in these automakers, just as it did with the banks.

I just wish Karl Marx and Frederich Engels were alive to see it. They'd be so happy.

GWIX: The Update

The Global Warming Index (GWIX) went up to 7.34 when I gathered the data this morning. Indexed by Google news were 27,816 stories that mentioned global warming and 3,790 stories that mentioned global cooling. When I last checked on November 17, the index stood at 6.74. This indicates that global warming is being mentioned somewhat more often in news stories now than in November.

The total amount of mentions today—we'll call this the Composite Climate Story Index (CCSI)—stands at 31,606. I'm going to keep track of this data as well. As the press loses interest in climate change, I predict that this will go down significantly. I'm trying to find a way to develop an "Al Gore" filter, so I can take all Al Gore references out of the raw data. This would make the index a much better indicator of reality. No offense intended, Al.

Auto Maker Execs and Rodney King

To bring an old adage up to date, it's a sure sign of imminent insanity/senility when you:

• write letters to the editor
• comment on Internet news stories, or
• create your own blog.

So I'm going two-outta-three in this blog, as I'd like to share with you a comment I just made on an Internet news story.

In this excerpt from a Barbara WaWa interview with Barack ObaWa, the incoming president put the leaders of corporate America on notice for their extravagant behavior and perks. Here's what I said:

I didn't vote for Obama a couple of weeks ago; I wouldn't vote for him tomorrow. But he seems to understand how to use the "bully pulpit"--something Bush never caught onto. Corporate CEOs etc. need to understand that their leadership must stretch beyond next quarter's results and that ultimately their companies can't be successful unless the American economy as a whole is successful.

I like to keep my rants on other sites short, so I didn't make a few observations that I think pertain to this point. But I will now.

American corporate leaders have increasingly turned to foreign markets when making profits in the USA has become difficult. They feel no responsibility for what happens to the folks who live down the street from them. This is because the United States has become a post Christian nation. Any Christian who takes the teaching of Jesus seriously would know what He taught in the parable of the Good Samaritan. Leaders of corporate America are like those who just walk past the man in trouble.

This is the result of the MBAization of our economy. CEOs and the like are quite adept at reading balance sheets and making clever moves in the marketplace, but they know nothing of scripture. They have gained incredible business acumen and lost their moral anchor. In Matthew 16:26, Jesus asks, "For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?"

This is why we can have a bunch of bankrupt Detroit auto industry execs fly to Washington D.C. in their corporate jets to beg for taxpayer (our) money and be completely oblivious to the message they are sending to the American public.

It has been my generation that has turned MBAs into some kind of golden promise. I've worked for a couple of major corporations and I remember the talk in the hallways about how MBAs from certain colleges were guaranteed huge salaries starting at their date of hire. Soon after this, anyone who wanted to get to upper-middle management had to have an MBA from somewhere, often a night school enterprise such as University of Phoenix.

You may object to my assertion that as a country we have lost our moral center because we have turned away from Christ. You might say that we just need to reassert morality into our society. But whose morality? In the absence of an ultimate authority there can be no common morality.

I teach middle school students. They like to ask "why?" a lot.

"Don't get up from your seat unless you first raise your hand and I give you permission."
"Why?"
"That's one of my classroom rules."

If the students do not recognize my ultimate authority within the classroom, they are not going to obey the rules. They will just make up their own rules as they go along. You might argue that certainly there are rules upon which the class, as a whole, would agree. It is human nature that the individual members of the class would abide by these "agreed upon" rules--in the absence of a higher authority--only to the point at which they feel they are better served by disobeying the rules.

If we do not recognize a higher authority we are reduced to Rodney King morality:

"People, I just want to say, you know, can we all get along?"

Well Rodney, I think clearly the answer to your question is, "No."

Looks like apple juice...

The astronauts on the space station will soon be drinking recycled urine to quench their thirst. But these are the days of designer water, so NASA needs to put a catchy moniker on this new beverage.

Starting with already established water brand names, I have compiled a list of suggested labels NASA might consider.

• Agua Vida, Agua Peeda
• Crystal Geyser, Yellow Geyser
• Highland Spring, Festering Bog
  
• Penta Water, Pent-up-inside-me-like-forever Water
• Real Canadian Natural Spring Water, Real Canadian’s Natural Spring Water
• San Pellegrino, Dan Marino (I don't get this one either)
  
• Sierra Springs, Septic Springs
• Trump Ice, Donald Dew
• Vittel, Piddle
• WHET Water, WHIZ Water
• Zephyrhills, Syphyrillis, and finally
• Arrowhead Water; no name change needed.

GWIX: The Hot New Climate Index

After consulting with our research department, I've fine tuned my GWIX: Global Warming Insanity indeX. From this point forward, I will use the google news search as the basis for the index, rather than the generic google search. Also, I have created a ratio between global warming and global cooling stories and this number, rounded to two decimal places, will be the actual "index." If the GWIX goes down, it would indicate that the disparity between warming and cooling stories is decreasing.

On Nov. 11, 2008 the index and raw data were:

GWIX: 6.74

Global warming stories: 24,955

Global cooling stories: 3,705

Hydrogen Super Highway $7 million billion; Gas $1.99/gal

How smart/lucky (choose one) are Pam and I? Smart/lucky (choose one) enough to move to Tennessee where the Republicans actually gained control of the state legislature from the Democrats while the rest of the country was marching leftward in lock step to the Obamamantra. Consider this: Republicans took both houses of the state legislature for the first time in 140 years. Read all about it.

However, there would have certainly been plusses to staying in California. First, we could say we were part of the biggest state budget deficit ever. Woot, makin' history! Second, we could truly enjoy driving up and down Schwarzenegger's imaginary hydrogen-fuel highway. Third, we could enjoy the biannual "odds are 50-50 that California will suffer a devastating earthquake within the next 30 years. Starting now!" newspaper story.

•••

I can't believe another newspaper publishes a story just to get me all upset! According to the Law Vegas Sun, paranoia is on the rise. The good news? Paranoia isn't just for schizophrenics anymore!

Two former students of mine have started writing their own blogs. Nice work guys! Check them out: Kristen is here and you can find Joe's here. I don't know if they learned anything from me, but at least I didn't kill their caustic wit. Kristen's comments about the high esteem current college students have for Jimmy Carter (the 11th worst president on one highly-regarded list) is more than worth the click.

•••

Well, we finally know who the "winners" are with the "Pickens Plan." Ad agencies and the television networks. Despite all of Pickens' hot air, there wasn't enough to make his massive wind project economical so he has quietly canned the whole thing. And by the way, what happened to all the people who were wringing their hands over the obscene oil company profits when oil prices were spiking? Remember the charges about market manipulation? Where's your manipulation now? Gas here is under two bucks a gallon. I won't even comment about the Democrats' plan to reinstate the ban on offshore drilling the second Obama is sworn in...

No. I will comment on that. Obama and his party were all for increased offshore drilling when people were about to riot in the streets over gas prices, but now that offshore exploration and drilling would just be the prudent thing to do to be ready for future energy demands, they can the idea. Hmmm, do ya think their energy "policy" bears any relationship to what is best for the nation...?

Let's Call Africa Africa!

I'm still backing Sarah Palin for the 2012 presidential race, even though she apparently thinks Africa is a country.

Let me tell you this, I've been teaching school for several years now and I promise you that despite the best efforts of our geography teachers about 87 percent of US high school grads share Palin's belief that Africa is a country.

I think it's time we just declare Africa a country and be done with this issue. We already have South Africa, right? Certainly if there is a country called South Africa, there must be a country called plain old Africa. After all, we have a state called West Virginia and nobody would think for even a fleeting moment that Virginia was anything other than a state itself.

No one can keep track of those oddly named countries that make up most of continental Africa anyway. From what I gather they all pretty much share the same problems of disease, corruption, and economic chaos.

Further, the label "African American" would make a lot more sense. Us white guys don't get called a "European American." We get labels like "Irish American" or "Italian American." Give the whole continent that generic country name of "Africa" and, bam, problem solved.

And finally, this one little change would instantly make our high school grads just that much smarter.

Only trying to be helpful.

Save the Auto Makers!

News item: In a letter to Hank Paulson, treasury secretary, sent on Saturday, Nov. 9, Senate Majority leader Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi,Speaker of the House, wrote: “We left the meetings convinced that our nation’s automobile industry - the heart of our manufacturing sector - and the jobs of tens of thousands of Americans are at risk." Then they begged that some of the $700 billion earmarked to fix the credit crunch be siphoned off to the auto industry.

At the heart of the Democratic Party's political-environmental-economic philosophy is the notion that the internal combustion engine is the mechanical Anti-Christ, threatening the very survival of mankind. How ironic then, that with Barack Obama about ready to take over the helm, the Democratic leaders of Congress are sweating bullets worrying about the fortunes of the big three automakers. If they really want to save the auto industry, they should break the unions and throw out excessive regulatory obligations they have saddled the auto industry with the last 30 years.

Of course, if this were Republicans rallying to save the Big Three, it would just be another piece of evidence that the GOP is in the pocket of Korporate Amerika. A person more cynical than I would suspect that the Democrats want to save the auto industry in 2008 just so they can destroy it with the mandatory manufacture of electric cars in 2010.

Warming vs Cooling

Sitting around on Saturday afternoon, decided to do a google search. Here are the results:

global warming = 44,800,000 hits
global cooling = 4,340,000 hits

Date: 11/8/08

About a 10-to-1 ration in favor of warming. Let's check this out every so often and see how long it takes the world of popular culture to catch on to the fact that we're in a cooling cycle now.

Reach across the aisle and get your hand cut off

Journalists everywhere are falling over themselves praising the successful campaign of Barack Obama. And it certainly was a well run campaign. But why aren't any charging that he virtually purchased the office of the presidency? When Republicans outspend Democrats there is always an undercurrent that their victories are tainted by their big spending.

Obama outspent McCain three-to-one (I'm hearing 4-1 and 5-1 now). Do you think he would have won had he spent the same amount as McCain? It's a good question. Further,  it came to light near the end of the campaign that many donations to the Obama campaign are untraceable and, frankly, suspect due to the abuse of those charge cards that can be loaded with funds. Not illegal, but a huge loophole in the law. Anyone surprised that politicians would write a law and leave such a huge loophole?

But above all, isn't it poetic justice that McCain sealed his own destiny in 2002 when he ushered the McCain-Feingold campaign finance reform through Congress? Being an old navy man, I think McCain is in a perfect position to appreciate the old adage of being "hoisted by one's own petard."

I just hope Republicans see how little there is to gain politically by "reaching across the aisle." In this election a very moderate Republican with a long history of working with Democrats was trounced by the second most liberal Democrat in the Senate. In addition, they paid the price for caving in on all the legislation that virtually eliminated any reasonable voter eligibility requirements. Who knows how much fraud there was in this election, but  who cares? Apparently no one. Until the Republicans learn to play hardball in the same league as the Democrats, they are dead in the water. If you can't control the country's borders, you don't have a proper country. If you can't control who votes, you don't have a legitimate government.

Republicans need to understand they will always be severely criticized by the press. Just get used to it. Cut them off when necessary. Obama had no problem kicking his critics in the press off his campaign plane.

I join all the Obama supporters in their joy of having a black man as president. In that respect this is truly a historic day. I just wish it woulda been a black conservative...

Jefferson and Madison Endorse McCain

On an earlier blog I poked fun at Barack Obama because of his shameless "tax cut" that is really nothing more than an attempt to buy votes. In recent days he has really ratcheted up the sales pitch on television and with his online "calculator." I wonder how far ahead in the polls he would be if he wasn't able to outspend John McCain about 3-to-1...

It's interesting that just at the same time Obama is calling his tax hike on the so-called rich "neighborly," new information on his relatives is coming to light. It seems that some of his African immigrant relatives are living in various levels of extreme poverty not too far from Harvard where Obama became the first African American editor of the Harvard Law Review.

If neighborliness is a desirable character attribute, it seems that helping his impoverished relatives would have been a good place to start. The problem with contemporary liberals is they want to do all sorts of "good deeds" with other people's money. Let's take a short walk down memory lane:

"I cannot undertake to lay my finger on that article of the Constitution which granted a right to Congress of expending, on the objects of benevolence, the money of their constituents."
James Madison

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not."
Thomas Jefferson

Thomas Jefferson and James Madison, part of the vast right-wing conspiracy! Who woulda thunk it?

Our Patriotic Neighbors

Only a fool would deny that Barack Obama and his political allies are fully in favor of using tax policy to redistribute the wealth of this country. His own comments, past and present, prove this. In an interview with Bill O'Reilly, Obama called it, "neighborliness." His running mate recently called paying higher taxes, "patriotic."

This shows their intellectual and philosophical bankruptcy. When I voluntarily send a monthly donation to the local rescue mission it might rightfully be called "neighborly" or even "patriotic." But when the US government, with its confiscatory powers, extracts taxes from the citizens, their payments can never be called "neighborly" or "patriotic."

And yes, their underlying philosophy is Marxist, no matter how hard Biden tries to laugh off the point. "From each according to his means, to each according to his needs." The "rich" have the means and the poor have the "needs."

If it worked, I wouldn't care, but it doesn't work. This approach creates an incentive to stay in poverty and a disincentive to accumulate wealth. Now there's a plan for economic success! Here's an idea: set the so-called progressive tax scheme on its head. Tax low income brackets at a high rate then decrease the rate as incomes increase. I think we might end poverty overnight if we had a tax policy that discouraged it. It's not as absurd as it sounds. The government tries to discourage activities such as smoking by placing high taxes on cigarettes. Why not tax poverty out of existence?

Our liberal intelligentsia is always looking to Europe for what the US should do next. Do they want to exchange our low unemployment rate for Europe's chronically high unemployment? All throughout progressive Europe, socialized health care is about to collapse. As terrible as capitalism is, it is by far the best economic system.

Candidate says he will cut taxes for largest voting bloc

Although claiming to be all about change, presumed Democratic candidate for president, Barack Obama is promising to cut taxes for American's single largest voting bloc: the middle class. I genned up a spreadsheet with all the promised middle class tax cuts made by successful presidential candidates during my life time and discovered that if they all had been actually enacted, the government would send each member of the middle class about $1742 at the end of each year.

Apparently middle class tax cuts aren't all that they're cracked up to be.

•••

California Governor Arnold Schwartzenegger is unusually quiet about the sudden doubling of gasoline prices. And this time it's not because he is so gawd-awful rich that he hasn't noticed. This doubling of gas prices is really helping the state budget crunch. You see, Californians pay state sales tax on gasoline. State coffers are pulling in about twice the revenue they did a year ago off gas sales.

Oil speculators have done to Californians what politicians were to chicken to do: raise everyone's taxes. You won't hear anyone in Sacramento complain.

•••

Even though Senator McCain has finally seen the wisdom in drilling for offshore oil, he hasn't yet come around in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. So if being held hostage to OPEC and market speculators isn't enough, I have one more reason to go full steam ahead that no one can argue with, and I'll sum it up in two words: reality TV.

Let's face it, Ice Road Truckers is OK, and so is Blackgold. But Ice Road Truckers meets Blackgold with caribou thundering across the small screen would be incredible!

Sure, the environmentalists make the point that even with ANWR, we're still a third-rate oil producing nation, but with "Ice Road Blackgold Truckers" I think we could assure our number one position in the world of reality TV for years to come. I can even envision a certain "Man Vs Wild" element to the production.

Come on! You know I'm on to something here. Please sit down today and write a letter to your representative, senator, and cable TV programmer, urging them to open ANWR to oil exploration.

I thank you. The nation thanks you.

Supercomputing and Heavy Breathing

It looks like archeologists in Jordan have found the oldest church in the world. They know it was used in the third century AD and believe that earlier it was used by 70 disciples immediately following the death and resurrection of Jesus. Pretty fantastic.

But what I want to point out is how our best, most powerful computers, coupled with the brightest programmers in the world are dumber than your average fifth grader.

You may have noticed how the words in some online news stories become links and if you follow the link you get more information about that word. If you were reading a story on the Taliban, for example, the word "Taliban" might be a link and if you were to click on it you would get to an encyclopedia, dictionary, or some other online information.

Check out what this advanced software did with the word "dating" as in the phrase "dating back 2,000 years."

Maybe it's a homage to that classic Mel Brooks character...

•••

My wife and I quit our jobs and are moving out of California. We are, of course, now madly looking for new jobs. At the same time, however, I’ve been thinking of business ideas. Finally I’ve come up with a good one, and all it takes to get my foot in the door is a smallish piece of cardboard and a felt tip marker.

If the next time you exit the freeway and pass a fairly well-groomed guy standing at the end of the off ramp with a sign that reads, “Will Hold Breath for $$,” that’s me.

I’ve decided to go into the home-based carbon offset business.

The average person takes about 20 breaths a minute. I won’t bore you with the math, but that means you generate a half a ton of CO2 each year. The way I look at it, you are global warming! You probably killed a polar bear or two yesterday and didn’t even know it.

I’m here to unburden you from all that guilt. For a very nominal fee, I will hold my breath on a per-miunte basis, cutting my respiration rate in half (Paypal accepted). If you’re feeling really guilty, I’ll have my wife and two sons hold their breath for you too. This home-based business if family owned and operated.

Further, if you want to engage in an activity that might result in a certain amount of heavy breathing, that puts your carbon footprint off the chart! But not to worry, for a modest fee I’ll hold my breath in such a way as to slow my respiration down by half to offset your increased CO2 production. And if you really want to go on a jag, I’ll nap a good portion of the afternoon. Just let me know (Paypal accepted).

And the beauty of my solution is that it is all market-based! McCain, are you listening?

Practicing my free throws to help the Lakers

The Senate was unable to pass its "climate" bill. Excuse me while I exhale a CO2 laden sigh of relief and say a prayer of thanks for having a "do-nothing" Congress.

The bill seemed to wend its way through the Senate on the idea that doing "anything" was better than doing "nothing" even though there are plenty of climate scientists who say that man's contribution to the warming trend is so insignificant that even if we do the "most" we can do the effect would probably be outside of our ability to measure. It would be like thinking my free throw practice at the schoolyard down the road would somehow help the Lakers win the NBA title. It's better than doing nothing at all, right!?

Let's examine the language in the Washington Post article by Juliet Eilperin that appeared in my local paper:

The outcome highlighted the obstacles that will stand in the way of enacting meaningful cuts in greenhouses gases, even with a new president and Congress next year.

First, were these cuts "meaningful"? Eilperin seems to think so, yet in the next paragraph she writes:

The Lieberman-Warner bill would have cut greenhouse gas emissions 18 percent below 2005 levels by 2020 and nearly 70 percent by mid-century, a significant reduction but still short of what most climate scientists say is needed to moderate global warming.

Can we talk? Does anyone really believe that a small group of people in Washington, D.C. can write this on a piece of paper and make it happen? With people flooding across our border with Mexico, our population growing at a quick pace, and no new nuclear power plants springing up, there is no way that in "real terms" this nation can cut its CO2 emissions below 2005 levels. And why 2005? In case the honorable senators haven't checked, it's 2008 already!

Take note of the phrase "most climate scientists say...." Really? Does she actually know this? I don't think so. This is one of those "big lies" the corporate media has mindlessly repeated so often it has achieved an urban myth status on par with the Neiman Marcus chocolate chip cookie story.

For a few days about three months ago, I thought it was only a matter of a year or two before the press would begin to sort out the true truth of man's role in "global warming." I'm less convinced now.

However, all is not lost. I am writing a personal "bill" that will require me to get to 18 percent of my former level of confidence by Novemember and achieve 70 percent of my former confidence by next summer.

I hope to pass this bill by 2010.

I Now Pronounce You Husband and Husband?

Same sex couples around the late-great state of California are burning up the phone lines to their wedding planners at the same time as the type is being set on the ballot measure that would prohibit gay marriage. It's an emotional issue where adherents of "traditional values" and proponents of the "sexual (r)evolution" speak at cross purposes.

So let's calm down for just a moment and look at the issue. The first area to explore is the state's rightful place or interest in the institution of marriage. Everyone seems to think that marriage is some glorious union of two loving individuals, and ideally that may be part of what it is, or at least what it has become. But if we accept that romantic view of marriage, what business does the government have in it? I think we would all agree that the government cannot judge how "loving" any couple is. Should the state find some way of testing the love between individuals as it tests knowledge of the vehicle code before it issues driving licenses?

The only legitimate reason the state should be concerned about the institution of marriage is if there is a societal issue at stake that warrants its involvement. The state gets involved in issuing drivers licenses because public safety is at stake. As a driver, I need to be reasonably assured that we all agree on what our behavior behind the wheel will be when we come to red lights. The government doesn't need to issue licenses to operate the remote controls of our television sets. Whether or not I know how to properly use the "MTS/SAP" button on my remote control is of no consequence to society.

With this principle in mind, what is at stake in society to give the government grounds to define and regulate marriage? First and foremost is the continuation of the society itself. The population of any state needs to reproduce itself to survive. This may seem trivial, but it isn't. Currently there are many western nations where the birthrate is below the "replacement" level. Russia is encouraging its youth to have babies. To maintain its place in the world, a country needs a stable population.

Nature has provided the way for society to maintain its population. A man and a woman engage in intercourse. This often results in children. Thousands of years of human history, common sense, and research tell us that the best way to rear these children is through the cooperative efforts of the parents. The government then has a rightful interest in whether or not these procreating couples stay together. When they break apart, the consequences to society are enormous. Therefore, the civil contract we call "marriage" serves to protect all of us. I don't think the government cares one whit about honoring or celebrating the supposed love between the married people.

We also know that by nature the man is more prone to abandon the union, and that, again by nature, the woman is more prone to be left caring for the child. The marriage contract serves to protect the woman who is at something of a "natural" disadvantage with regards to the family situation.

This is where government's "natural" and "rightful" interests end. Any taxation or financial issues do not matter as they only deal with situations the government itself has created. Let's use "inheritance" as an example. Currently in the United States, a spouse gets a bigger break when it comes to estate taxes than a non-family member. But that's only because the government decided to confiscate dead people's property in the first place. Eliminate the estate tax and any fiscal imbalance between married versus non-married individuals disappears. So this is not a "definition or marriage" issue, it's a tax policy issue.

After listening to this debate for some time now, I find it ironic that what the homosexual couples seem to truly desire is to command the same respect, honor, and esteem as married heterosexual couples, which is exactly what the government cannot give them. It is our religious institutions that give couples—through the marriage ceremony—this high level of regard, but I suspect religion plays a rather minor role in the lives of most gay couples.

Scientists as Liars

We have another Mars probe on the Red Planet and again "scientists" expose their completely unscientific bias and, if you think about it for a moment, their unbridled willingness to spend taxpayers money to pursue their childhood fantasies. This video captures it. Also note in this video that in every "artist's conception" there is snow and ice laying on the surface of the planet. They know this isn't the case, but the NASA artists can't keep their fantasies out of their work and their bosses apparently don't care about the truth enough to make them properly render their artwork.



Ray Arvidson says there are two possible explanations for what they are seeing. It could be either rock or ice. Arvidson contines, "We are pushing for ice." We are supposed to believe that scientists go into their research with open minds. Not so. Arvidson knows what he wants to find. I am thankful he was honest enough to say it publicly. I have no idea whether what they are seeing is rock or ice. I'll wait until the data are in.

Evolutionary materialistic scientists always accuse creationists of distorting the data to fit their theories, I suggest they are equally, if not more, guilty. I can't count the number of stories that talk about water and carbon compounds being the "building blocks of life." This shows a complete misunderstanding of what "life" is. Someday I'll be dead and gone from this temporal world. The lump of chemical compounds I leave behind are in no way the "building blocks of life."

Life is intangible. It's a creative force that animates and empowers reproduction. Calling the chemicals which are animated by this power the "building blocks of life" is like calling a truckload of spools of copper wire "the building blocks of electricity." Bricks are the "building blocks" of houses because when you put them together they actually "build" a house. Not so with the carbon compounds and amino acids that our bodies are made from.

I am a great believer in "pure" scientific research. But how much money should we let our government spend flying probes around the universe trying to find these phony "building blocks of life." If they find the chemicals they are looking for, so what? How many billions is it worth to you? Now, if they go to Mars looking for a new source of crude oil, I'm all for it.

•••

In case you need any more proof the US is going the way of the Roman Empire, consider the rise of spectacles such as ultimate fighting, American Gladiator and now, mixed martial arts. MMA made its primetime network debut on CBS recently. This sort of public barbarity is always a sign of decline. See for yourself.

A Cure for Being Wrong

Over two-thirds of what you believe is wrong, 68.7 percent to be exact. Among the things most wrong are the things you believe that I would tend to disagree with. How do I know this? I polled myself last night. Well, wait. That doesn't sound the way I wanted it to sound. You may be getting the wrong, or another wrong idea. You're back up to 68.7 percent.

You may be asking yourself at this point something like, "Well, if more than two-thirds of what I believe is wrong, how can I know what things are in the less than one-third of things I know that are actually true?" You can't, and that's where I come in. I will now begin publishing ideas with a 100 percent not-wrong guarantee.

These ideas, while not obvious to the casual observer, are bedrock truth: Ideas, or notions, you could "bet the farm on," if you happen to be an absentee corporate farm owner looking off your penthouse balcony as you collect checks from the federal government for not growing anything that would help the current world food shortage, or at least enable people to buy more than 100 pounds of rice at Costco. But I digress.

My first surefire, take it to the bank idea: Giorgio Battistelli's opera of Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth," set to open at La Scala in 2011 will be viewed as a humorous retelling of a 2005 urban myth. The only person who will not understand this will be the production's director, Al Gore himself, whose totally straight, staid approach to staging and direction will put have the audience rolling in the aisles. Gore will be lauded as a "comic genius," finally receiving praise actually due.

Okay, one more. Despite her promise, Susan Sarandon will not move to Italy or America's cap if John McCain is elected president. And believe me folks, this is one where I wish I were wrong.

Come on Teddy! Take One for the Team!

I emailed John McCain the other day with a suggestion on health care. His health care initiative, and I use the word "initiative" in the loosest sense of the word, is a joke. He wants to give people $5000 to spend on their own health care, apparently to make them better consumers. How $5000 in the hands of people would suddenly result in a revamped and efficient health care system, I don't know.

I told McCain to attack the problem from the supply side instead of the demand side. Our country needs to increase the number of health care providers. Building more medical schools would be a legitimate role for the federal government. Fund more nursing programs. Establish a new level of health care professional that would deal with less critical health problems. Find a way to take advantage of army medics.

And because medical conditions get more expensive to treat the longer they are allowed to go without treatment, the feds should fund full body scans for everyone over the age of 40 or 50.

And while we're on the topic. Teddy, if your listening, it would really help promote your party's nationalized healthcare proposal if you'd get in line up in Canada or over in France to treat that brain tumor. Come on! Take one for the team!

•••

I read that the University of Colorado at Boulder may establish an endowed position for a conservative thinker. Chancellor G.P. “Bud” Peterson realizes his campus is so far left that they need to do something to preserve intellectual diversity. And I use the word "preserve" here in the same way a natural history museum might preserve a virtually extinct salamander.

Listen to this comment from CU teaching assistant Curtis Bell: “Why set aside money specifically for a conservative? I’d rather see a quality academic than someone paid to have a particular perspective.”

Listen Curtis, that argument falls on deaf ears whenever conservatives use it to object to "minority" set asides, so why don't you just stick it in your ear?

•••

The second writer's strike of the year is about to hit. Hillary and Barack are almost out of primaries. SNL executives are going off the deep end wondering where their really funny stuff will come from. Sure they'll still be able to pump out the lame "concept" skits, but the stuff that actually makes people laugh will be much harder to come by. Check out this clip. There's no way you can make this stuff up:

Fill 'er up with that stuff that worked so well for the Hindenburg

Poor Arnold Schwarzenegger. The Santa Monica city council may ban jets from landing at the local airport. Arnold uses that runway to commute to his day gig in Sacramento.

I saw Arnold on Leno last week touting Earth Day. The only thing green about Schwarzenegger is his money and the tie he wore on Leno. Why does he commute back and forth the length of the state on a daily basis in a private jet? Simple. He can afford to.

Schwarzenegger stomps around the formerly-golden state leaving his Terminator-sized carbon footprints everywhere, spending millions of taxpayers’ dollars to build hydrogen refueling stations for cars that exist mainly in his imagination, and calling for state-funded universal health care while the California budget is about $20 billion in the hole. Arnold, dip into that billion-dollar personal bank account, log onto eBay and see if Nero's violin is for sale.

•••

Am I the only person how has noticed that Rev. Jeremiah Wright and Pastor John Hagee have the same biblical perspective with regards to God’s judgment on the United States?

Wright said that God used the 9/11 terrorists to punish the United States for this country’s foreign policy. Hagee suggested God used Katrina to punish the United States for its unabashed homosexuality. The politics may be different, but the theology’s the same.

•••

With all the candidates clamoring to be on SNL, Hillary appearing with Bill O’Riley, and Obama’s endless Top 10 lists on Letterman, I think we should cap off this primary season not with another debate, but with a showdown on Are You Smarter than a 5^th Grader? Or if that is too intellectually taxing, have Clinton and Obama appear on Deal or No Deal and instead of money, pack the briefcases with superdelegates.

•••

With gasoline prices pushing $4.00 a gallon and crude oil going for more than $120 a barrel, I think it’s time the current fed chairman do to the hot crude oil market what his predecessor did to the hot stock market in 1996. Addressing the American Enterprise Institute, Alan Greenspan commenting on the steep rise in stock prices said, “But how do we know when irrational exuberance has unduly escalated asset values, which then become subject to unexpected and prolonged contractions…?”

If this crude oil market isn’t being driven by “irrational exuberance” you can run me down with a Prius. So-called economic growth in China and India doesn’t explain why crude has gone up from about $25 a barrel in 2001 to about $125 today. Speculators are running wild.

I also think a good case could be made that would place the blame for the steep increase in crude prices on the war in Iraq. In that case—and I’m no dove when it comes to the war—Americans are paying for the war three times over: with the lives of our young soldiers, with a ballooning budget deficit, and at the gas pumps.

Misspoken Missive

"Senator Rockefeller, the editorial board would like to thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to sit down with us and review the political situation in our nation. You've served with Senator McCain for many years. What insights might you have about the presumptive Republican candidate?"

The senator eases forward in his chair a few inches and gathers his thoughts.

"McCain was a fighter pilot, who dropped laser-guided missiles from 35,000 feet. He was long gone when they hit. What happened when they (the missiles) got to the ground? He doesn't know. You have to care about the lives of people. McCain never gets into those issues," Sen. Jay Rockefeller says shooting a knowing look to the gathered reporters.

I wasn't there, but I don't think I'm too far off capturing the scene. Rockefeller wasn't ambushed on the street corner by some Michael Moore type. He was at a formal discussion with editorial writers. His retraction went something like this:

"Well, when I said McCain was a fighter pilot who cavalierly dropped missiles from 35,000 feet with a flagrant disregard for the damage they caused and the innocent people they killed, what I meant to say was that Senator McCain is a true American hero. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to clarify my point."

If the nation were to vote on the best "misspoken" comments from a politician, the race would be crowded and close.

The other day Barack Obama said referring to the American people, "It's not surprising, then, they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren't like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations."

Here's a man who has made his faith the centerpiece of his political rise to prominence. I'm one of those who "clings to religion," but I don't see it as a negative. One's faith should be the source of strength in difficult times and humility and generosity in prosperous times.

Backpedaling the following day, Obama said, "...well you know, when you're bitter you turn to what you can count on." A lot of Americans would agree with him here: While we we can't count on our politicians, we can count on our guns. But I don't think that's exactly what Obama had in mind.

The candidate follows in the rich tradition established by his wife earlier in the campaign when she took a broad swipe at the country with her remark, “For the first time in my adult lifetime, I am really proud of my country, and not just because Barack has done well, but because I think people are hungry for change.”

But, of course, neither of the Obamas can hold a candle to their pastor, Rev. Jeremiah Wright Jr., who didn't hold anything back when it was time for him to declare his attitude about the United States:

“God damn America … for killing innocent people. God damn America for threatening citizens as less than humans. God damn America as long as she tries to act like she is God and supreme.”

I praise Rev. Wright for having the courage of his convictions. He is the only one of the four mentioned here who, to my knowledge, didn't try to claim he misspoke. He has some gripes against this country and he was honest about them.

When I think about Michelle Obama's lack of pride in the United States, and Barack Obama's picture of mindless middle America clinging to religions and guns (Why didn't he throw in Nascar and beer to boot?), I have to believe that they sat through more than a few of Rev. Wrights anti-American rants, despite their claims to the contrary.

Now excuse me, I've got to get out of here, my office is coming under sniper fire.

And no...I am not a homosexual.

Arab Oil States Control Our Coastal Waters

The headline in my local paper heralded Congress last week for passing a bill to "protect" the north coast here in California. The headline just as easily could have read, "Congress Cedes control of North Coast to United Oil Emirates" because closing off our national territory to oil exploration is exactly what the Arabian oil producing nations want us to do.

Here is just how twisted this situation is, and if you understand it, please let me know. Congress gives oil companies depletion tax credits so they will find new sources of oil. Congress then systematically closes off all the potential sources of new oil from exploration.

Congress threatens to take away the tax credits and a large group of people jump for joy thinking that the nasty oil companies will finally get it stuck to them. Of course, anyone with half a brain knows that the corporations don't pay the taxes, they charge their customers whatever is needed to cover their tax burden. So consumers will pay the tax, which is completely regressive.

And isn't it interesting that the liberals who loathe "regressive"or flat income taxes, love regressive gasoline taxes? How can this be? It's simple. Liberals favor "progressive" income taxes because they discourage individuals from pursuing economic advancement. A high standard of living for people is bad. But any tax on gas, however regressive it may be, is seen as protecting plants and animals, whose "standard of living" is far more important than ours. The dirty little truth is, however, that as society increases its measure of material wealth, it is able to invest more to protect the environment.

Then, because the situation isn't ridiculous enough, Congress tries to "shame" the oil companies into lowering gas prices. Yeah, that’ll work.

To recap: Congress won't let oil companies drill new wells; Congress gives oil companies tax credits explore for new oil; Congress threatens to take away these tax breaks; Congress tells the oil companies they really should lower their prices. (The presidential candidates from the party that controls Congress, by the way, are promising to raise the price of government immediately if elected. High oil prices bad; High government prices good!)

Gov. Richard's Man Crush on Obama: Typical White Person T-Shirt

“There’s something special about this guy,” Governor Richardson said as he announced his support for Barack Obama. “I’ve been trying to figure it out, but it’s very good.”

Two words, governor: Man crush.

Just the way Michael Scott used to get all giddy around Ryan the temp, any semblance of common sense you may have possessed went out the window the first time you caught a whiff of Obama's aftershave. You dumped your old girlfriend, Hillary, like the political skank she is. Then, like the least pretty cheerleader on the squad, you threw yourself at the hunky freshman quarterback who hadn't even tossed a pass in a league game yet.

Well governor, you've had your 15 minutes of fame. I hope it was worth it.

Now on to important things.

Inspired by the prophet of our time, Barack Obama, my wife and I have designed a t-shirt that caputures one of his most inspiring phrases, "Typical white person." That pretty much describes me and, I'm guessing, you. We're hoping that our shirt will garner enough enthusiastic support to make middle class white folks everywhere forget smiley faces, Che Guevara and Hollister.

But for you, the highly favored readers of this blog, both of you, we have a special treat. When we submitted our design, we had to give it a name and make a few comments about it. I came up with four variations. Here they are:

• Plain and Proud of It. Typical, but not stereotypical! We may be the western world's fastest fading unethic majority, but we still have a lot to be proud of.
  
• Melanin Shmelanin! Favored by employers and policy makers for years, the typical white person may be be temporarily out of style, but we'll be back, baby!
  
• Hold the Pigment! Save money, hire the typical white person, the generic Homo Sapien!
  
• Proud To Be Pale. Just like ethic people, but without the garish skin pigmentation and melodious speech patterns.
  

Unfortunately, the folks at Threadless.com thought our entry was really just "word" shirt and didn't have complicated enough art. We may resubmit it as a type only entry. So, your challenge is to let me know which of the above witticisms would go best under "Typical White Person" on a t-shirt.

Flash: Dems Criticize Bush! Dolphins Just Love Plastic Wal-Mart Bags!

I am beginning to think I can't trust my hometown newspaper, The Santa Rosa Press Democrat, which is owned by the New York Times. (Please excuse me while I take a moment to run and get a mop to wipe up all the sarcasm dripping from that last sentence...there, now I can continue.)

I poured over a story the other day that the PD picked up from the LA Times (bad idea) headlined, "Bush's Grasp of Crisis Questioned: Critics Say President Needs to Pay More Attention to Economy." I'll give you a few moments to recover from the incredible impact of that extraordinarily deep insight.

http://www1.pressdemocrat.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080318/WIRE/803180424/1033/NEWS

But I started to read the article looking for the "critics." I read it twice. There was only one, maybe two "critics": the, ahem, unbiased Barney Frank and Jack Reed, both just every-so-slightly liberal democrats. (Excuse me again. Mop time.)

I wonder what reporter Maura Reynolds's personal point of view is on this matter. We might get a clue when she writes--without attribution to any source--that comments Bush made "suggested a comparison to another disaster in which he was accused of acting too slowly: Hurricane Katrina." Gee, a little heavy handed do you suppose?

And another thing: did you read that for about 20 years now, "scientists" have been misquoting a study that supposedly connected marine mammal and avian deaths to plastic shopping bags? It turns out the study found that sea life is sometimes killed by discarded plastic fishing gear, not Wal-Mart bags. Somewhere the wording got twisted and an urban myth was born.

The problem is that greenies all through the civilized world are working their little knuckles to the bone to get the scourge of plastic bags banned forever, lest we destroy the fragile oceans.

The PD just reported that communities in my area are considering proposals to ban the bags, in part because they "remain dangerous to birds and marine life." Does anyone except me remember that German Nazi Joseph Goebbels said, "If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it."

The American press is proving Goebbels right every day.

It was Honolulu, not Harlem; Poehler Rescues Hillary

I'm thinking of releasing my delegates and throwing my support to the white Christian candidate: Barack Obama. If his mom is white, he's white. If being raised by a white single mother doesn't make him white, consider these facts: He grew up in Honolulu, not Harlem. He went to a high-priced private Christian school, Columbia University, and Harvard Law School. He's got to be white. Endemic, institutionalized racism prevents blacks from enjoying such a blessed life. Right?

Maybe I shouldn't have brought it up.

The big political news the last two weeks, of course, centered around Hillary's boost after winning in both Ohio and Texas. I think, all tolled, it drew her about a dozen votes closer to Barack. Then, last weekend, the two heavyweights duked it out in Wyoming with Barack winning back most of what Hillary gained the previous week.

The biggest winner through all this, however, is neither Hillary nor Barack, but Saturday Night Live which has emerged as the only Saturday political network TV series with any influence on the people of this great nation. Forget the fossilized network political talking-torso shows. Ten thousand words of serious political pundit commentary doesn't sway voters nearly as much as one good SNL spit take.

In no more than five minutes, SNL cast member Amy Poehler made Hillary seem sympathetic and almost likable, a feat the real Hillary hasn't been able to pull off in 25 years. Hillary's real challenge will come this summer when SNL goes on hiatus and isn't there to sway the super-delegates just before the convention. Hillary might consider taking some of the dough Bill has made off his Arab connections and underwriting an extended SNL season. Bill could even play sax in the band. At least then Hillary would know where he was on Saturday nights. Hillary should also consider putting Poehler on the payroll so the comedian could hit the campaign trail at her side.

The Obama camp, on the other hand, has a huge problem. Fred Armisen, who plays Barack, isn't nearly as funny or appealing as Poehler. Al Sharpton should keep his mouth shut about the fact that a white actor is playing a black (or black-ish) man and turn his attention to the real display of NBC's rampant racism: Armisen's Obama is totally forgettable. Sharpton should amass his minions in front of 30 Rock with signs reading, "Armisen Must Go!" and chanting "1-2-3-4! Give Obama a real comic AC-TOR!”

Barackoholics Anonymous

Many of you who read this need help. Or you know someone who needs help. So I'm urging you to let down your guard. Set your pride aside and admit publicly that you are a Barackoholic. Come on, just say it:

"Hello, I'm [your name here], and I'm a Barakoholic."

There. Doesn't that feel better? You've taken the first step toward recovery. Congratulations.

Of course that's just the first step of my Twelve Step Program for Barackoholics, but honestly, the first step is the hardest. After you've taken this first step, tell someone. Especially tell other Barackoholics you know. They may not want to admit their problem, but you've seen the effect it is having on their lives. They swoon when their candidate thrusts his arms into the air and utters the word "change." Their finely honed sense of indignity disappears when their candidate is caught plagiarizing but unexpectedly reappears when their candidate is accused of plagiarizing.

I suppose, in the interest of future of our nation, I should outline all 12 steps here, but then few of you would buy my book, "I Used to be a Barakoholic and You Can Too! A 12-Step Program To Cure Your Addiction to a Meaningless, but Charismatic, Candidate."

Step two is quite problematic however because here the Barackoholics must come to believe that a power greater than themselves could restore them to sanity. Unfortunately this is exactly what they already believe, except that the "power greater than themselves" actually is Barack Obama. This leads to confusion. In my book, I lay out ways to overcome this difficulty. Although it is far too complicated to go into here, it suffices to say that when the real God of the universe spoke, unlike Barack Obama, He tended to go into specific details about His plans for the future.

It is my sincere hope that the legions of Barackoholics will soon turn to my program because it is far better to deal with this mind-numbing addiction now than to elect the man president and have to deal with it later. If we let this go much longer can you imagine the chaos when the American electorate has a sudden awakening and tries to deal with the requirements of step eight:

Make a list of all persons we have harmed, and be willing to make amends to them all.

I just don't think we'll have the time.

Poll Finds Most Americans Believe Poll Results Not Real News

A recent poll found that 71 percent of all Americans believe that the results of opinion polls should not be reported as "news" among the media.

"Look, all they're doing is asking what I think. That's meaningless. Like today around 11:30 I told a guy I work with that I felt like ham and cheese for lunch, but when I got to the deli I ordered pastrami," explained one respondent.

A pollster who did not want to be identified explained it this way:

"The point this respondent is making is that it didn't really matter what he thought he was going to have for lunch earlier in the day. It wasn't reality or what we call an ‘actualization.’ His brain synapses were just firing in a certain way at a certain point of time. The only thing that was real, if I may use that term, is what he actually did."

In a somewhat unusual alliance, environmentalists joined the debate siding with those who would like to see opinion poll based news eliminated.

"We estimate 4.7 million trees would be spared each year due to the decreased demand there would be for newsprint," said Hiram Feinsmith of Save Our Unbelievable Planet. "Those trees, left standing, would eliminate about 73 tons of carbon dioxide from the atmosphere and have a positive impact on global warming overall."

Researchers at SOUP estimate the retreat of the global ice pack would be lessened by several centimeters over the next decade by this one measure alone.

"Putting it in layman's terms, banning polls from the newspapers could save penguin lives," Feinsmith said.

"Public concern for threatened wildlife may the thing that brings this debate to a head. Most Americans are willing to take such severe measures if they benefit endangered species," Feinsmith said citing recently published polls.

Unusual Media Cycle Threatens World

Observers have noted a dramatic quickening in the pace of media climate scare cycles which, if not corrected soon, could have a damaging and lasting impact on global media sources. First world media, women, and minorities are most at risk.

Prior to the global warming scare of the last several years, the global cooling scare of the 1970s was the last case of unfounded media climate hype, or UMCH. But with the recent call by Canadian Scientists to study the possibility of global cooling due to decreased sunspot activity, it looks like we are already in the early stages of global cooling UMCH. If this turns out to be the case, it creates a unique condition in the mass media biosphere in which global warming and global cooling scares may be forced to coexist.

Such a condition is likely to result in widespread panic and confusion within the normally stable media biosphere. "It could get so bad," said one media expert, "that the New York Times and other prestigious media groups could endorse republican candidates."

Other experts don't believe the situation is that grim.

"At most it could take some of our major newspapers about two weeks longer to endorse the democratic candidate for president, but I don't think it's would ever get so bad that they would endorse a republican," said another highly-placed media critic.

"And don't sell the media short. They may be able to design a scenario which advocates curtailing western economic growth to combat both global cooling and global warming at the same time. If you carefully study the history of the media you will see that they have propagated notions far more absurd than this," one expert noted.

"For example, they spread the idea that Bill Clinton was the first black president and didn't even crack a smile," he continued. "This will be a piece of cake."

NEXT STORY: Global Climate Stasis Goes Unchecked

(Re)bate and switch; Biofools

Nancy Pelosi is overjoyed that republicans have, for the first time, agreed with the democrats in Congress to send tax rebates to people who haven't paid income tax. Now listen folks, if they haven't paid taxes, it isn't a rebate it's just a "bate."

Gee, do you think the fact that it's an election year has anything to do with this? Sure it does. They're taking your money and (re)baitin' some hooks with it in hopes to snag a few voters. Republicans know they won't win any votes. But they realize they could lose a few independent voters during the general election if they give democrats the chance to make them look like Scrooge for being tightfisted with your money.

The New York Times noted that Congress "moved with unusual speed" to pass the measure. Finally something Washington can do quickly and efficiently: give away money it doesn't have.

• • •

On a different note, you may have read about the research on the burgeoning use of "biofuels" and that in reality, they are worse for the environment than fossil fuels in terms of the greenhouse gases that supposedly cause global warming.

Here's the headline from the next day's paper in my hometown: Biofuel Users Say It's Still a Good Alternative. The story continues, "Advocates of the fuels said the studies do nothing to alter their opinion that biofuels are better for the environment than burning gasoline."

I used to run around with a group of friends and we often kidded one another with, "Don't confuse me with the facts!" We were being funny; these environment advocates are serious. It exposes the truth that the biofools' desire to muck up economic development is much stronger than their concern for the environment.

The Big Lie

"Everyone knows that global warming is real, but we cannot solve it alone," said Bill Clinton.

I teach at a Christian high school. One of my jobs is to prepare students for the inevitable assaults on their faith and values they will have to endure after graduation. In class we look at current events and and I try to sensitize the students to overstatement, because usually a big lie is cloaked in overstatement, to wit, President Clinton's proclamation that, "Everyone knows that global warming is real...."

Everyone? Really?

The number of scientists questioning the Gorified global warming scare scenario is increasing daily. Unfortunately for the purveyors of paranoia, it looks like the period of warming peaked about 10 years ago. Man's contribution to the phenomena is very questionable and if man didn't have much--or anything--to do with the "problem," man cannot "fix" it. So in that sense, Clinton is correct: we cannot solve it alone, it'll take an act of God. Or perhaps God decided about ten years ago that the climate had warmed up enough, for the time being at least.

The real objective of the global warming scare-mongers, however, is to slow down, or reverse, economic growth. A perceived worldwide temperature increase is just the latest issue for the saboteurs of economic progress to hang their shoes on...so to speak. Thirty years ago it was global cooling. A few years before that it was the "population bomb." Since then we've had HIV-AIDS and a few rounds of animal-born killer diseases, just to name a couple.

I agree that we might destroy ourselves one of these days, but I have a hunch it won't be due to increased worldwide material prosperity; it will happen for exactly the opposite reason.

Life Support Two Ways

The signs of illness have been obvious for months. All indicators have pointed to an ever-worsening condition. The experts have been consulting one another to decide what to do and finally they've settled on a series of desperately needed transfusions. The treatment regimen was put the hands of the care givers and sometime in four to six months they'll get right on it.

The fact that our economy is on the brink of collapse has been common knowledge on the street for months. When Washington finally got on board and our lawmakers decided immediate action was necessary, they resolved to inject some cold cash into the still slightly warm corpse of an economy. Of course, ASAP for the government means that sometime this summer, and I'm not evening feeling a hint of spring yet, cash will get into the hands of the consumers.

By that time we'll either be pulling out of the recession without the government's help, or we'll be stranded so far out in the dry lakebed of vaporized consumer spending that the paltry $600 refund won't even pay for the first session with a bankruptcy attorney.

But don't worry about that too much, if Obamary gets elected, the same government apparatus that took 6 months to cut you a $600 check to "save" the economy will be scheduling your cancer treatment.

To quote Country Joe MacDonald, "Whoopie! We're all gonna die!"

George W. Bush ageless?

After the State of the Union speech, our local paper ran a series of pictures of President Bush taken at each of his seven SoTU speeches. We poured over them at work and couldn't see any discernible aging. The Dorian Gray comments were made. Some of us think that Bush actually looks younger now than he did when he first took office.

There are only a few possible explanations for this.

1. He's hopped up on human growth hormone and bouncing back from those gut-wrenching, make-your-hair-fall-out decisions faster than a Tour de France rider leading the pack through the Alps.
   
2. He's more oblivious to the implications of his decisions than even his worst critics have charged.
3. He has a steely inner strength, ice water for blood, and nearly comatose central nervous system he developed through years and years of flying Texas Air National Guard combat missions over the enemy infested skies of Lubbock (at least when he showed up).

On the other hand, his days in the White House haven't been so kind to Barney. It's almost like he's aged seven years for every year Bush has been in office.

http://www/whitehouse.gov/barney/

Very sad.

Race doesn't matter. Right.

As his landslide victory in South Carolina became apparent, Barack Obama declared to the crowd that the election wasn’t “about black versus white.”

The throng chanted, “Race doesn’t matter!”

Three out of four blacks voted for Obama. Three out of four whites voted for one of the white candidates. Race doesn’t matter...NOT!

Are conservatives the only ones who see the irony in the fact that the party of affirmative action and civil rights legislation can’t honestly acknowledge that its electorate is voting straight down racial lines? In a week when Americans celebrated a man who dreamt of a country where people would “not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character,” the media interviewed voters fretting over whether to cast their ballots for the black or the woman. Hey, what about health care?

I believe it is an absolute truth—but would never be conceded by liberals—that conservatives would be proud to vote for a conservative black candidate and would judge him (or her!) on the basis of shared values.

[Vote Condi ’12!]

Where is the Tiger Woods of politics?

So Tiger is ahead in his first golf tournament of the year by about a dozen strokes while none of our politicians seem to be able to put together back-to-back birdies on the course where the final fairway leads to the White House.

Hillary. Can you imagine having to spend four years listening to that shrew? She's touting her experience which amounts to less than two terms in the senate and being married to Bill. If the experience of being a politician's wife transfers to presidential proficiencey, Barbara Bush should be running. Her husband, after all, was a congressman, ran the CIA, served as ambassador to China, did the veep job under Reagan, and capped it all off with a term in the White House.

Obama. Positives: great smile. Negatives: smoker. 'Nuff said.

McCain. Here's a geniune hero. Worst mistake in his career was not being born into the "Greatest Generation" or sponsoring the failed immigration reform bill. Close call.

Romney. One term governor. Makes Hillary's experience look significant. Successful businessman and we all know how well business savvy transfers to government work. How much of his business success depended on his Mormon contacts?

Giuliani. Unable to capitalize on 9/11 Twin Tower disaster well enough to prevent 1/29 Florida disaster.

Huckabee. See Obama. Nonsmoker.

Edwards. Could be "kingmaker" at the convention. Will he pick the yet-untamed "Shrew" or the young Hamlet figure?

Tiger just finished up his Saturday round, about two-score strokes ahead. Asked about the final round on Sunday, he said it wasn't over, of course, we all know that it is. If only we could say the same thing about these primaries...