Poll Finds Most Americans Believe Poll Results Not Real News

A recent poll found that 71 percent of all Americans believe that the results of opinion polls should not be reported as "news" among the media.

"Look, all they're doing is asking what I think. That's meaningless. Like today around 11:30 I told a guy I work with that I felt like ham and cheese for lunch, but when I got to the deli I ordered pastrami," explained one respondent.

A pollster who did not want to be identified explained it this way:

"The point this respondent is making is that it didn't really matter what he thought he was going to have for lunch earlier in the day. It wasn't reality or what we call an ‘actualization.’ His brain synapses were just firing in a certain way at a certain point of time. The only thing that was real, if I may use that term, is what he actually did."

In a somewhat unusual alliance, environmentalists joined the debate siding with those who would like to see opinion poll based news eliminated.

"We estimate 4.7 million trees would be spared each year due to the decreased demand there would be for newsprint," said Hiram Feinsmith of Save Our Unbelievable Planet. "Those trees, left standing, would eliminate about 73 tons of carbon dioxide from the atmosphere and have a positive impact on global warming overall."

Researchers at SOUP estimate the retreat of the global ice pack would be lessened by several centimeters over the next decade by this one measure alone.

"Putting it in layman's terms, banning polls from the newspapers could save penguin lives," Feinsmith said.

"Public concern for threatened wildlife may the thing that brings this debate to a head. Most Americans are willing to take such severe measures if they benefit endangered species," Feinsmith said citing recently published polls.