Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Supercomputing and Heavy Breathing


It looks like archeologists in Jordan have found the oldest church in the world. They know it was used in the third century AD and believe that earlier it was used by 70 disciples immediately following the death and resurrection of Jesus. Pretty fantastic.

But what I want to point out is how our best, most powerful computers, coupled with the brightest programmers in the world are dumber than your average fifth grader.

You may have noticed how the words in some online news stories become links and if you follow the link you get more information about that word. If you were reading a story on the Taliban, for example, the word "Taliban" might be a link and if you were to click on it you would get to an encyclopedia, dictionary, or some other online information.

Check out what this advanced software did with the word "dating" as in the phrase "dating back 2,000 years."

Maybe it's a homage to that classic Mel Brooks character...

•••

My wife and I quit our jobs and are moving out of California. We are, of course, now madly looking for new jobs. At the same time, however, I’ve been thinking of business ideas. Finally I’ve come up with a good one, and all it takes to get my foot in the door is a smallish piece of cardboard and a felt tip marker.

If the next time you exit the freeway and pass a fairly well-groomed guy standing at the end of the off ramp with a sign that reads, “Will Hold Breath for $$,” that’s me.

I’ve decided to go into the home-based carbon offset business.

The average person takes about 20 breaths a minute. I won’t bore you with the math, but that means you generate a half a ton of CO2 each year. The way I look at it, you are global warming! You probably killed a polar bear or two yesterday and didn’t even know it.

I’m here to unburden you from all that guilt. For a very nominal fee, I will hold my breath on a per-miunte basis, cutting my respiration rate in half (Paypal accepted). If you’re feeling really guilty, I’ll have my wife and two sons hold their breath for you too. This home-based business if family owned and operated.

Further, if you want to engage in an activity that might result in a certain amount of heavy breathing, that puts your carbon footprint off the chart! But not to worry, for a modest fee I’ll hold my breath in such a way as to slow my respiration down by half to offset your increased CO2 production. And if you really want to go on a jag, I’ll nap a good portion of the afternoon. Just let me know (Paypal accepted).

And the beauty of my solution is that it is all market-based! McCain, are you listening?



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