"Hello, I'm [your name here], and I'm a Barakoholic."
There. Doesn't that feel better? You've taken the first step toward recovery. Congratulations.
Of course that's just the first step of my Twelve Step Program for Barackoholics, but honestly, the first step is the hardest. After you've taken this first step, tell someone. Especially tell other Barackoholics you know. They may not want to admit their problem, but you've seen the effect it is having on their lives. They swoon when their candidate thrusts his arms into the air and utters the word "change." Their finely honed sense of indignity disappears when their candidate is caught plagiarizing but unexpectedly reappears when their candidate is accused of plagiarizing.
I suppose, in the interest of future of our nation, I should outline all 12 steps here, but then few of you would buy my book, "I Used to be a Barakoholic and You Can Too! A 12-Step Program To Cure Your Addiction to a Meaningless, but Charismatic, Candidate."
Step two is quite problematic however because here the Barackoholics must come to believe that a power greater than themselves could restore them to sanity. Unfortunately this is exactly what they already believe, except that the "power greater than themselves" actually is Barack Obama. This leads to confusion. In my book, I lay out ways to overcome this difficulty. Although it is far too complicated to go into here, it suffices to say that when the real God of the universe spoke, unlike Barack Obama, He tended to go into specific details about His plans for the future.
It is my sincere hope that the legions of Barackoholics will soon turn to my program because it is far better to deal with this mind-numbing addiction now than to elect the man president and have to deal with it later. If we let this go much longer can you imagine the chaos when the American electorate has a sudden awakening and tries to deal with the requirements of step eight:
Make a list of all persons we have harmed, and be willing to make amends to them all.
I just don't think we'll have the time.
Step two is quite problematic however because here the Barackoholics must come to believe that a power greater than themselves could restore them to sanity. Unfortunately this is exactly what they already believe, except that the "power greater than themselves" actually is Barack Obama. This leads to confusion. In my book, I lay out ways to overcome this difficulty. Although it is far too complicated to go into here, it suffices to say that when the real God of the universe spoke, unlike Barack Obama, He tended to go into specific details about His plans for the future.
It is my sincere hope that the legions of Barackoholics will soon turn to my program because it is far better to deal with this mind-numbing addiction now than to elect the man president and have to deal with it later. If we let this go much longer can you imagine the chaos when the American electorate has a sudden awakening and tries to deal with the requirements of step eight:
Make a list of all persons we have harmed, and be willing to make amends to them all.
I just don't think we'll have the time.
Posts
1 comment:
I have to admit, the guy has charisma. I watched about 20 seconds of a speech and if that was all I knew of him I might think he was a great candidate. Unfortunately, I think that's all that a lot of people see of him, those 20 seconds of a speech or the 20 second conversation with a friend. All of the sudden they're on this exciting wave of change without knowing what kind of a change they're really asking for. He's an alright guy, I just don't think he'd make a good president.
Post a Comment