Poll Finds Most Americans Believe Poll Results Not Real News

A recent poll found that 71 percent of all Americans believe that the results of opinion polls should not be reported as "news" among the media.

"Look, all they're doing is asking what I think. That's meaningless. Like today around 11:30 I told a guy I work with that I felt like ham and cheese for lunch, but when I got to the deli I ordered pastrami," explained one respondent.

A pollster who did not want to be identified explained it this way:

"The point this respondent is making is that it didn't really matter what he thought he was going to have for lunch earlier in the day. It wasn't reality or what we call an ‘actualization.’ His brain synapses were just firing in a certain way at a certain point of time. The only thing that was real, if I may use that term, is what he actually did."

In a somewhat unusual alliance, environmentalists joined the debate siding with those who would like to see opinion poll based news eliminated.

"We estimate 4.7 million trees would be spared each year due to the decreased demand there would be for newsprint," said Hiram Feinsmith of Save Our Unbelievable Planet. "Those trees, left standing, would eliminate about 73 tons of carbon dioxide from the atmosphere and have a positive impact on global warming overall."

Researchers at SOUP estimate the retreat of the global ice pack would be lessened by several centimeters over the next decade by this one measure alone.

"Putting it in layman's terms, banning polls from the newspapers could save penguin lives," Feinsmith said.

"Public concern for threatened wildlife may the thing that brings this debate to a head. Most Americans are willing to take such severe measures if they benefit endangered species," Feinsmith said citing recently published polls.

Unusual Media Cycle Threatens World

Observers have noted a dramatic quickening in the pace of media climate scare cycles which, if not corrected soon, could have a damaging and lasting impact on global media sources. First world media, women, and minorities are most at risk.

Prior to the global warming scare of the last several years, the global cooling scare of the 1970s was the last case of unfounded media climate hype, or UMCH. But with the recent call by Canadian Scientists to study the possibility of global cooling due to decreased sunspot activity, it looks like we are already in the early stages of global cooling UMCH. If this turns out to be the case, it creates a unique condition in the mass media biosphere in which global warming and global cooling scares may be forced to coexist.

Such a condition is likely to result in widespread panic and confusion within the normally stable media biosphere. "It could get so bad," said one media expert, "that the New York Times and other prestigious media groups could endorse republican candidates."

Other experts don't believe the situation is that grim.

"At most it could take some of our major newspapers about two weeks longer to endorse the democratic candidate for president, but I don't think it's would ever get so bad that they would endorse a republican," said another highly-placed media critic.

"And don't sell the media short. They may be able to design a scenario which advocates curtailing western economic growth to combat both global cooling and global warming at the same time. If you carefully study the history of the media you will see that they have propagated notions far more absurd than this," one expert noted.

"For example, they spread the idea that Bill Clinton was the first black president and didn't even crack a smile," he continued. "This will be a piece of cake."

NEXT STORY: Global Climate Stasis Goes Unchecked

(Re)bate and switch; Biofools

Nancy Pelosi is overjoyed that republicans have, for the first time, agreed with the democrats in Congress to send tax rebates to people who haven't paid income tax. Now listen folks, if they haven't paid taxes, it isn't a rebate it's just a "bate."

Gee, do you think the fact that it's an election year has anything to do with this? Sure it does. They're taking your money and (re)baitin' some hooks with it in hopes to snag a few voters. Republicans know they won't win any votes. But they realize they could lose a few independent voters during the general election if they give democrats the chance to make them look like Scrooge for being tightfisted with your money.

The New York Times noted that Congress "moved with unusual speed" to pass the measure. Finally something Washington can do quickly and efficiently: give away money it doesn't have.

• • •

On a different note, you may have read about the research on the burgeoning use of "biofuels" and that in reality, they are worse for the environment than fossil fuels in terms of the greenhouse gases that supposedly cause global warming.

Here's the headline from the next day's paper in my hometown: Biofuel Users Say It's Still a Good Alternative. The story continues, "Advocates of the fuels said the studies do nothing to alter their opinion that biofuels are better for the environment than burning gasoline."

I used to run around with a group of friends and we often kidded one another with, "Don't confuse me with the facts!" We were being funny; these environment advocates are serious. It exposes the truth that the biofools' desire to muck up economic development is much stronger than their concern for the environment.

The Big Lie

"Everyone knows that global warming is real, but we cannot solve it alone," said Bill Clinton.

I teach at a Christian high school. One of my jobs is to prepare students for the inevitable assaults on their faith and values they will have to endure after graduation. In class we look at current events and and I try to sensitize the students to overstatement, because usually a big lie is cloaked in overstatement, to wit, President Clinton's proclamation that, "Everyone knows that global warming is real...."

Everyone? Really?

The number of scientists questioning the Gorified global warming scare scenario is increasing daily. Unfortunately for the purveyors of paranoia, it looks like the period of warming peaked about 10 years ago. Man's contribution to the phenomena is very questionable and if man didn't have much--or anything--to do with the "problem," man cannot "fix" it. So in that sense, Clinton is correct: we cannot solve it alone, it'll take an act of God. Or perhaps God decided about ten years ago that the climate had warmed up enough, for the time being at least.

The real objective of the global warming scare-mongers, however, is to slow down, or reverse, economic growth. A perceived worldwide temperature increase is just the latest issue for the saboteurs of economic progress to hang their shoes on...so to speak. Thirty years ago it was global cooling. A few years before that it was the "population bomb." Since then we've had HIV-AIDS and a few rounds of animal-born killer diseases, just to name a couple.

I agree that we might destroy ourselves one of these days, but I have a hunch it won't be due to increased worldwide material prosperity; it will happen for exactly the opposite reason.

Life Support Two Ways

The signs of illness have been obvious for months. All indicators have pointed to an ever-worsening condition. The experts have been consulting one another to decide what to do and finally they've settled on a series of desperately needed transfusions. The treatment regimen was put the hands of the care givers and sometime in four to six months they'll get right on it.

The fact that our economy is on the brink of collapse has been common knowledge on the street for months. When Washington finally got on board and our lawmakers decided immediate action was necessary, they resolved to inject some cold cash into the still slightly warm corpse of an economy. Of course, ASAP for the government means that sometime this summer, and I'm not evening feeling a hint of spring yet, cash will get into the hands of the consumers.

By that time we'll either be pulling out of the recession without the government's help, or we'll be stranded so far out in the dry lakebed of vaporized consumer spending that the paltry $600 refund won't even pay for the first session with a bankruptcy attorney.

But don't worry about that too much, if Obamary gets elected, the same government apparatus that took 6 months to cut you a $600 check to "save" the economy will be scheduling your cancer treatment.

To quote Country Joe MacDonald, "Whoopie! We're all gonna die!"