'Anchor baby' problem solved

The immigration problem caused by “anchor babies” has created a great deal of controversy lately. I believe I have a solution to this thorny issue that should please both sides of the debate and help alleviate other social problems as well.

When an illegal immigrant, or “undocumented” immigrant if you prefer, comes to this country and gives birth to an “anchor baby”—a term, by the way which has nothing to do with the baby’s physical appearance, but is used to communicate the fact that the family’s residence becomes more “anchored” in the United States by virtue of the child—we should allow that child, when he or she becomes a teenager, to decide whether or not to deport his or her parents.

In my experience, the vast major of teenagers would kick their parents out of the country if given the chance. With my approach to this problem, federal immigration authorities are no longer the “bad guy” so I don’t think there’s much room for anyone to complain.

Yes, you say, but what about those families where the relations between their teenage sons and daughters are sufficiently amicable that the teenagers would not deport their parents? In those cases, and I anticipate this to occur only very infrequently, the parents must have some secret piece of child rearing knowledge that could benefit us all.

These people should be given jobs where they more or less raise our children for us. They can work as nannies and maids, for example. And fortunately, we already have this part of my system largely in place.

Problem solved.