It was Honolulu, not Harlem; Poehler Rescues Hillary

I'm thinking of releasing my delegates and throwing my support to the white Christian candidate: Barack Obama. If his mom is white, he's white. If being raised by a white single mother doesn't make him white, consider these facts: He grew up in Honolulu, not Harlem. He went to a high-priced private Christian school, Columbia University, and Harvard Law School. He's got to be white. Endemic, institutionalized racism prevents blacks from enjoying such a blessed life. Right?

Maybe I shouldn't have brought it up.

The big political news the last two weeks, of course, centered around Hillary's boost after winning in both Ohio and Texas. I think, all tolled, it drew her about a dozen votes closer to Barack. Then, last weekend, the two heavyweights duked it out in Wyoming with Barack winning back most of what Hillary gained the previous week.

The biggest winner through all this, however, is neither Hillary nor Barack, but Saturday Night Live which has emerged as the only Saturday political network TV series with any influence on the people of this great nation. Forget the fossilized network political talking-torso shows. Ten thousand words of serious political pundit commentary doesn't sway voters nearly as much as one good SNL spit take.

In no more than five minutes, SNL cast member Amy Poehler made Hillary seem sympathetic and almost likable, a feat the real Hillary hasn't been able to pull off in 25 years. Hillary's real challenge will come this summer when SNL goes on hiatus and isn't there to sway the super-delegates just before the convention. Hillary might consider taking some of the dough Bill has made off his Arab connections and underwriting an extended SNL season. Bill could even play sax in the band. At least then Hillary would know where he was on Saturday nights. Hillary should also consider putting Poehler on the payroll so the comedian could hit the campaign trail at her side.

The Obama camp, on the other hand, has a huge problem. Fred Armisen, who plays Barack, isn't nearly as funny or appealing as Poehler. Al Sharpton should keep his mouth shut about the fact that a white actor is playing a black (or black-ish) man and turn his attention to the real display of NBC's rampant racism: Armisen's Obama is totally forgettable. Sharpton should amass his minions in front of 30 Rock with signs reading, "Armisen Must Go!" and chanting "1-2-3-4! Give Obama a real comic AC-TOR!”

Life Support Two Ways

The signs of illness have been obvious for months. All indicators have pointed to an ever-worsening condition. The experts have been consulting one another to decide what to do and finally they've settled on a series of desperately needed transfusions. The treatment regimen was put the hands of the care givers and sometime in four to six months they'll get right on it.

The fact that our economy is on the brink of collapse has been common knowledge on the street for months. When Washington finally got on board and our lawmakers decided immediate action was necessary, they resolved to inject some cold cash into the still slightly warm corpse of an economy. Of course, ASAP for the government means that sometime this summer, and I'm not evening feeling a hint of spring yet, cash will get into the hands of the consumers.

By that time we'll either be pulling out of the recession without the government's help, or we'll be stranded so far out in the dry lakebed of vaporized consumer spending that the paltry $600 refund won't even pay for the first session with a bankruptcy attorney.

But don't worry about that too much, if Obamary gets elected, the same government apparatus that took 6 months to cut you a $600 check to "save" the economy will be scheduling your cancer treatment.

To quote Country Joe MacDonald, "Whoopie! We're all gonna die!"